Mazel Tov by Jacqueline Jacobs

She is starting to regret her choice in seat. The stench of alcohol is emanating from her uncle Marks portly body and preventing her from smelling her mother’s homemade matzo ball soup. She brings the bowl up closer to her face, hoping that it will block out the stench but it’s useless. She scoots her chair closer to her boyfriend, Larry, on her right. The smell of his Gucci guilty cologne, although overpowering, is much preferred to the smell of whiskey and manischewitz wine.

From the second Rebecca walked into the Passover Seder Lorraine has not been able to stop glaring at her. With every sound of her annoying voice Lorraine cringes. Rebecca is sitting directly across from Lorraine, telling Lorraine’s family about all the interesting things Rebecca and her boyfriend have been up to this year. Lorraine doesn’t say more than a “thank you” until dessert is brought out, she spends the entire dinner glaring at Rebecca, hoping is she stares at her hard enough Rebecca will leave.

As the desert is being brought out, Rebecca stands up. She uses her bony little fingers to pick up a knife and tap it against the rim of Lorraine’s mother’s china. She opens her un-lip glossed mouth to amaze everyone with some incredibly interesting tidbit of her life. “Excuse me everyone…” The squeaky noise falling out her mouth is a pathetic excuse for a speaking voice. “I have some exiting news! Garret and I are getting married this spring!” The whole family fills the room with their cheers. Before the room even has a chance to settle down Lorraine bolts out of her seat, nearly knocking over a dessert tray and her uncles 9th glass of wine, and proclaims “Larry and I are getting married too!” The cheers of Lorraine’s family grow even louder as Rebecca’s slinks back into her seat. The cheers subside and the family sits back down to finish their last bit of coffee and pastries. Lorraine’s mother asks a few questions concerning the wedding, but Lorraine quickly ends the Q&A saying, “Mom, we haven’t even started to think about that yet.” Lorraine’s sister Sheryl, a loud, short, fake blonde, stands from the opposite end of the table screams “Lorraine, does Larry know about this?” Lorraine quickly responds, “Oh course he does! Right honey?” As Lorraine turns to hear Larry’s answer, she notices the beads of sweat dripping down his face. The little pool of water that had built up on his dessert plate from ever drop that falls from his chin. In all the excitement Lorraine has momentarily forgotten that she was really engaged at all, she has momentarily forgotten about Larry. Larry pushes out a smile and responds “Yeah, of course.”

Larry drives Lorraine home to her apartment that night almost with out saying a single word. The entire car ride is filled with attempts at conversation by Lorraine but not a single one sticks. She says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” over and over but cannot get any sort of response out her now apparently mute boyfriend. Finally, in a moment of frustration, Lorraine screams, “You should be overjoyed that I even wanted to marry you!” This starts the full-blown battle that last the duration of the car ride to Lorraine’s apartment.

They walk into the apartment together, in silence. The second Larry close the door, she begins the yelling again. “How could you do that to me in front of your family!” he yells. “How could you not want to marry me!” she says. The fight continues like this until 1:30 in the morning we Larry says, “I am so over all your bullshit Lorraine!” She stares at him for a few moments, speechless. She quietly walks away to her bedroom, goes inside, and slams the door in his face.

Larry waits on her couch until 3 am, turning around periodically to see if she was opening the door. At 3:15 he gets and crawls into bed with her. Brushing her hair back, he kisses her on the check to wake her up. Her eyes peel open and she stares at him. Larry sweetly opens his mouth and says “Maybe you have a good idea, you know the whole marriage thing. I have been thinking about it, and I honestly can’t imagine my life with out you. So, I guess what I am trying to say is, will you marry me?” Lorraine pops out of bed and sarcastically responds, “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”


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